Thank you instead of sorry

Most powerful thing I heard about last week that I’ve been doing (and it’s changed my thinking so much) is instead of apologizing on automatic, thank people for understanding. For example ‘I’m sorry I made this harder for you.’ becomes ‘Thanks for helping me out with this. I appreciate it.’ ‘Sorry I’m late’ becomes ‘Thanks so much for waiting. I was late because…..’

Now, I will totally still apologize when I eff up but I will not pre-emptively apologize for things that are not my fault or outside my control.

Yay, overculture!

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Measuring Life

Something that is not uncommon in the circles I run in is to actually reflect on how happy/satisfied/comfortable/successful you feel in different areas of your life. The purpose behind the exercise is not filling out the chart, per se, but instead use that as a tool for change. To give you focus for what areas you want to work on.  That’s how I use it anyway.

The mechanics of the tool I use are pretty simple. Draw 10 concentric rings then divide that set of circles into 8 parts. Each of the eight parts gets labeled for a part of your life. The ones I chose were personal growth, fun and leisure, home, career, money, health, spirit, and friends and family. You then start coloring it in from the inside out. The more rings you color in, the happier you are the fuller your ‘pie slice’ is. I went back and then scribbled in each section of the pie what was working for me or what wasn’t in that area of my life.

It was at times comforting and rather angry making, how lopsided my chart turned out. It definitely gave me some places to focus on in the upcoming year. If I’m so unhappy about something I can really only rate it a 2? It’s overdue for a change. I plan to redo the exercise in six months and compare the two charts and see how I’m doing. They won’t be directly comparable, of course, because I won’t be the same person in July that I was at the end of December but it’s a good benchmark.

One of the ways I’m going to try and keep this on track is to be better about some journaling. I’ve had terrible luck with doing anything close to a bullet journal style (a fancy, coded to do list, frankly) for my personal life. There is just too much pressure in the wrong ways in my brain for something like a daily task list to work.  On Tuesday you will do X does work, sort of. I do hold down a day job with definite deadlines but given how much physical and mental energy that consumes I cannot guarantee that when I get home from work I am going to have the capacity to write a long post for Patreon on Tuesday night.  It is easy, however, to forget except under the pressure of ‘end of the month’ to remember the laundry list of things I wanted to accomplish as the days tick down. So, a weekly to-do list with items that build toward my long-term goals instead is proving successful for me. I’m also not letting the fact that I wrote something down become a ‘must do it or you are a failure’ creep into my brain. I’ve given myself permission to cross things out or move them forward to the next week.

This is what happens when you let the project manager cross over with the pagan. You end up with a chart that in broad strokes measures their life and a to-do list that includes study lists. My hope is that this works well enough in the not so under pressure times that I can keep those good habits when the time crunches come. I’ve really only let myself start this weekly plan and making one diet change be my big ‘habit’ changes for January. It is really easy to want to do all the things and then fail at them. Keeping it small and manageable is a bit boring but I’m totally okay with this being boring.

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My word for 2017 is Fidelitas.


This year it’s about being faithful to my values, my gods and my family. It is something I do as much as I breathe air, drink water and walk the earth but I am centering this as much as I can. Being faithful to these things as I get through the day.

In past years I’ve had words like simplify and my sense of it was so shallow at the beginning, when I chose it on instinct. It was about getting rid of clutter in my apartment and turned into a honing of my interests and friends. I let go of so many things that weren’t adding value to my life. It was about adding clarity to my vision, that old saw about the forest for the trees was so true.

I suspect that fidelitas is going to be about renewing my private and public oaths to my chosen community. About stepping up even more publicly than I have and owning my part in the cultures I live in. It will be about continually re-earning my place as an ally. About deepening my own understanding of our problematic world and what small part I can play in it.

Perfect is the enemy of good. I go into this knowing I will fail. The true test is what I will do about those failures. The enemies of complacency, of being tired, of wanting to be safe and keeping my head down. Of being afraid of ambition. Of saying yes before the question is even asked.

May I be up to the task I have set.

Continue reading →

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Richard Adams

All the world will be your enemy, Prince with a Thousand Enemies. Whenever they catch you, they will kill you. But first, they must catch you…digger, listener, runner. Prince with the swift warren.

Be cunning…and your people will never be destroyed.

-Watership Down
–Richard Adams, 1920-Dec 2016

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Carrie Fisher

( a series of posts I’ve concatenated here from Dec 27, 2016)

Here is the thing about Carrier Fisher for me. Like most folks of my approximate age I was introduced to her via A New Hope and her experience really matched mine in the broad sense of being (or trying to be) a kick-ass girl in a whole room full of boys. Each of those Star Wars movies really only had her (as a woman) in a true speaking part. She completely fell off my radar except for the occasional news story about her addiction. Continue reading →

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Tis time for a reminder you can support me on Patreon

Tis time for a reminder that you can support me on Patreon.

I post three pieces or photographs a month and pledges can start at $1. If you liked my piece on Solstice this is a way to support more work like that in the future. I’m hoping to grow my supporter list to 25 people this year and you could be one of them.

If you’d prefer to do a one time payment then pm or comment and I’ll send you my paypal/stripe info.

May 2017 be kinder and prosperous for us all.

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